Psalms :)

Not gonna lie, I don't always "get" Psalms. They tend to be some of the most quoted scripture- themes for endless Bible Studies and the like. I think because sometimes I have a hard time relating to them. I mean, it's a lot about enemies and foes and devouring of flesh and besiegement of armies and rescuing Isreal from stupidity. They just all seem to run together after awhile. Personally, I like Proverbs better and my favorite Old Testament book is actually Ecclesiastes, but last night before I went to bed I opened my Bible at random and started reading in Psalms 25 and for once in my life I felt perfectly insync with David.

Psalm 25:16-21

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

Now my "enemies" are more the creeping depression and cynicism that taint my thoughts more and more frequently, but it still applies. And the line "let me not be put to shame" holds so much for me. I don't want to be a shame to anyone with my lonliness, I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to be a shame to Brian with not being able to cope with his absence while he's trying to cope with actually being overseas, and I don't want to shame Christ with the sarcasm and cynicism that starts sliding into my conversations and edging my actions, providing a very poor witness of relying on Him to help me through missing Brian. So I cling to scripture, I read more and more, holding on to "integrity and uprightness" in a vicious moment to moment battle fought with prayer and at the end of the day I feel better for it. All with the underlying mantra that Brian is in God's hands and so am I and He's in control of this whole situation.

I could go on, but I'll stop here, the Psalm really does speak for itself. :)