I've made it very clear to any who know me that I think babies are, for the most part, pretty darn ugly. Well, I think I should clarify, since the term "baby" usually applies to any human from about newborn to 1-2 years. No, I think "toddlers" are for the most part adorable, it's newborns that I think are rather unattractive. I was all nervous about seeing my neice for the first time, wondering if I should tell a small white lie and say "awww how cute!" to affirm that I really was excited about her presence and didn't wish to offend the parents (whom I would have to see at family funcitons for the rest of our collective lives...) or if I should just be blunt and tell them I was happy for them but I thought their daughter resembled a mutated squash. I don't like lying, so you can imagine how I agonized on the three hour drive to the hospital.
My niece? Super cute. I was dumbfounded (and very relieved). Did she still resemble a wrinkled mutated alien squash? Yup. But she was (and is) precious. I finally "get" all those pictures of babies that people obsess over. Now, I think she became a thousand times cuter at about 2 months, when she just seemed to have a little more form and shape to her tiny unproportional body (well, maybe not so tiny in her case...) and now she's just pretty much too cute to adequately describe with words. This has made me realize that when I talk about "ugly babies" I really mean "newborns". In Emma's favor, she was a c-section baby (no squished head) and was of substantial size (no 6 pound premie), but also, most importantly, I had a huge vested interest in her existence as I am her Aunt and godmother. She probably could've had a pumpkin stem growing out one ear and I honestly would've thought her adorable.
Long story short: other newborns? Still ugly. If I do a little side step in my mind and try to look at newborn pictures from the family's point of view I can scrape up a pretty genuine sounding "aww she/he's cute". Some of them really are so ugly they're sortof endearing, but mostly I wait until they've fleshed out and "normalized' a bit before I start laying on the praise.
Now, here comes the fun part. If I ever have kids, and go picture crazy like a good parent should, I think I'll take pictures of him/her next to ugly mutated looking squash. Forget trying to make him/her cute by masking the alien look with pastel colors and cutesy animal prints, piled up with flowers and stuffed animals. Nope, it'll be stunted, dirt spattered veggies for my little darling. I don't mean the vibrant orange pumpkin patches, I might take pictures next to a bag of potatoes just to prove a point. Any children I have, of course, will all be the epitome of cute, but maybe someone subjected to my plastering those pictures all over every available webspace will get a kick out of how much my little cutie-wootey resembles lumpy vegetables.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Secrets
One of the hard things about being a military wife is keeping secrets. It wouldn't be so hard, except online venues practically demand that you share every significant event in your life at the top of cyber space lungs. I'm getting a bit better at internet suffocation.
That said, this past weekend was fantastic. Plenty of fun with Remus and Emma and Rebecca, my parents and my inlaws. It's always good to visit your hometown :) I watched the Brookville Marching Band Perform, the colorguard is being instructed by two very dedicated old students of mine. It was awesome to see what they had created, I'm so very proud :) Also found out that I'm going to need to get into some serious shape if I want an EMS job in Lynchburg because Ill have to cross train as a firefighter. Fire-woman? I was at first rather apprehensive, but several FD (Fire Department) co-workers have assuaged my concerns about being a female firefighter and have gone so far as to suggest I might actually be good at it. We shall see.
In other, probably boring news to the non health care provider, I took my ACLS refresher course today to learn the new AHA guidelines and FINALLY I feel vinidicated. Oxygen is no longer considered "harmless" No more of this "well, just put him on some O2, it can't hurt." Oh YES it can. A build up of too much oxygen in the blood causes a release of Free Radicals (anyone remember basic chemistry?) which then rocket around the body, honing in on damaged tissue and furthering the destruction in order to clean up the mess. In their proper place, Free Radicals act like scrubby bubbles to the body's equivelent bath scum, in excess, Free Radicals corrode through any weak tissue like acid. Putting a pt who is already at 100% SpO2 room air on 15lpm 02 NRB basically sends a demolition crew to whatever ischemic tissue is dying (i.e. The brain. Or the heart) You can literally kill people with too much O2, you at least significantly damage their future prognosis when they're having a stroke or STEMI. SO I am SO RIGHT when it comes to NOT putting every pt on oxygen just because an IV is established. That tradition is CRAP. A pt needs an IV in a STEMI, I don't think anyone can argue with that, but if the pt's SpO2 is 95% then highflow 02 can actually kill more cardiac tissue faster. Booyah.
This makes me irrationally happy. Other new ACLS guidelines make sense too, but this new look at the over use of oxygen ESPECIALLY in the pre-hospital setting is waaaaaaay past due.
Time for bed, I am so sleepy I have a headache from keeping my eyelids open. Picture post hopefully to come :)
**EDITED to include mention of the best older sister in the history of sisters :)
That said, this past weekend was fantastic. Plenty of fun with Remus and Emma and Rebecca, my parents and my inlaws. It's always good to visit your hometown :) I watched the Brookville Marching Band Perform, the colorguard is being instructed by two very dedicated old students of mine. It was awesome to see what they had created, I'm so very proud :) Also found out that I'm going to need to get into some serious shape if I want an EMS job in Lynchburg because Ill have to cross train as a firefighter. Fire-woman? I was at first rather apprehensive, but several FD (Fire Department) co-workers have assuaged my concerns about being a female firefighter and have gone so far as to suggest I might actually be good at it. We shall see.
In other, probably boring news to the non health care provider, I took my ACLS refresher course today to learn the new AHA guidelines and FINALLY I feel vinidicated. Oxygen is no longer considered "harmless" No more of this "well, just put him on some O2, it can't hurt." Oh YES it can. A build up of too much oxygen in the blood causes a release of Free Radicals (anyone remember basic chemistry?) which then rocket around the body, honing in on damaged tissue and furthering the destruction in order to clean up the mess. In their proper place, Free Radicals act like scrubby bubbles to the body's equivelent bath scum, in excess, Free Radicals corrode through any weak tissue like acid. Putting a pt who is already at 100% SpO2 room air on 15lpm 02 NRB basically sends a demolition crew to whatever ischemic tissue is dying (i.e. The brain. Or the heart) You can literally kill people with too much O2, you at least significantly damage their future prognosis when they're having a stroke or STEMI. SO I am SO RIGHT when it comes to NOT putting every pt on oxygen just because an IV is established. That tradition is CRAP. A pt needs an IV in a STEMI, I don't think anyone can argue with that, but if the pt's SpO2 is 95% then highflow 02 can actually kill more cardiac tissue faster. Booyah.
This makes me irrationally happy. Other new ACLS guidelines make sense too, but this new look at the over use of oxygen ESPECIALLY in the pre-hospital setting is waaaaaaay past due.
Time for bed, I am so sleepy I have a headache from keeping my eyelids open. Picture post hopefully to come :)
**EDITED to include mention of the best older sister in the history of sisters :)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Running and work
I'm trying to get back in running shape. I've made progress in some areas and experiencing frustrating setbacks in others. Unfortunately, those setbacks are entirely outside my control. I run with Remus on my days off at Raven Rock, so far we do the 2.5 mile loop trail and then I finish with some lunges and stretching. From walking/running the trail about 50/50, I now barely stop to walk at all. I think yesterday I may have walked for a total of 4 minutes, and thats generous, I actually think I walked a lot less. I'm running most of the hills and my pace is faster than 10 minute mile, I'm happy. Soon I want to take Remus on the extended loop and make our run 4 miles.
Here comes setback number 1-I don't know how long I can run with Remus. I don't want to put any unneccessary strain on his joints especially since big dogs are prone to arthritis and other joint related problems, shoot he already has had surgery on his front leg. SO I'm gonna have to stop by the vet and get an estimate of how many miles is too many. Once I can no longer run with Remus I'm stuck by myself until Brian comes home. Running alone is not something I encourage girls to do, even at a public park. That leaves me the option of the treadmill, and the treadmill and I don't get along. It is tolerable, barely tolerable, to run on that thing for 2 miles, but anything longer than that and I'm going insane with boredom. Even with music on, or a movie on, and I can't read while running I bounce too much. The treadmill is the single most boring exercise I have ever endured, I don't think mentally I'll ever be able to run ten miles on it.
Setback number 2 also eats into my milage. I work 12 hour shifts and live 40 minutes away. Technically it's 12.5 hr shifts because we have to be there 30 minutes early to check off our ambulances. That means I'm away from the house for 14 hours, and thats if I get off on time. It takes me about an hour and a half to get ready on my own (cook myself dinner, shower, taking care of Remus etc) When Brian's home we can combine the cooking and me showering but he's not, so I do both tasks seperately. So if everything goes exactly according to plan, I have 8.5 hours to sleep between shifts. As you can see, I have very little wiggle room. I've already given up an hour of sleep so I can Skype with Brian so I'm down to 7.5. Most of the time I average less than that, because when I get home in the AM I have to take care of Remus again and make myself breakfast. I can't afford to run on the days I work, I'm already extremely short on sleep :( I just can't figure out a way to add a run in on the days I work, there just isn't enough time in the day.
Brian and I figure I need to be running 40 miles a week to get in shape for a 50k. On my long week I have 2 days off. On my short week I have 5. I could probably work up to a 40 mile week on my short week-5 mile run, then 12.5, then 5, then 12.5 then 5...But on my long week? 2 20mile runs back to back, the first one after working 12 hours? Not likely :/
So what does this mean? It means I'm frustrated. I want to run ultras again, I just don't see how I can work up to the appropriate mileage. Ah well, perhaps I'm borrowing trouble. Maybe after I talk to the vet she'll tell me Remus can run 15 miles without a problem and Brian will come home in November and instead of waking up early to Skype I can run 4 miles even on my work days and I'll be in shape in no time....
Who am I trying to kid? Even if Brian doesn't come home till January I'm not sure I'll be running more than 5-6 miles on my own anyway. I have a long way to go...
I've set my goal at the Terrapin Mountain Half Marathon in March. 13 miles, that shouldn't be a problem by then. Buh, it's strange to feel proud about making progress towards getting in shape again and frustration at having let yourself get so out of shape in the first place. Sorry for the boring ramble, I'll try to make the next post more entertaining.
Here comes setback number 1-I don't know how long I can run with Remus. I don't want to put any unneccessary strain on his joints especially since big dogs are prone to arthritis and other joint related problems, shoot he already has had surgery on his front leg. SO I'm gonna have to stop by the vet and get an estimate of how many miles is too many. Once I can no longer run with Remus I'm stuck by myself until Brian comes home. Running alone is not something I encourage girls to do, even at a public park. That leaves me the option of the treadmill, and the treadmill and I don't get along. It is tolerable, barely tolerable, to run on that thing for 2 miles, but anything longer than that and I'm going insane with boredom. Even with music on, or a movie on, and I can't read while running I bounce too much. The treadmill is the single most boring exercise I have ever endured, I don't think mentally I'll ever be able to run ten miles on it.
Setback number 2 also eats into my milage. I work 12 hour shifts and live 40 minutes away. Technically it's 12.5 hr shifts because we have to be there 30 minutes early to check off our ambulances. That means I'm away from the house for 14 hours, and thats if I get off on time. It takes me about an hour and a half to get ready on my own (cook myself dinner, shower, taking care of Remus etc) When Brian's home we can combine the cooking and me showering but he's not, so I do both tasks seperately. So if everything goes exactly according to plan, I have 8.5 hours to sleep between shifts. As you can see, I have very little wiggle room. I've already given up an hour of sleep so I can Skype with Brian so I'm down to 7.5. Most of the time I average less than that, because when I get home in the AM I have to take care of Remus again and make myself breakfast. I can't afford to run on the days I work, I'm already extremely short on sleep :( I just can't figure out a way to add a run in on the days I work, there just isn't enough time in the day.
Brian and I figure I need to be running 40 miles a week to get in shape for a 50k. On my long week I have 2 days off. On my short week I have 5. I could probably work up to a 40 mile week on my short week-5 mile run, then 12.5, then 5, then 12.5 then 5...But on my long week? 2 20mile runs back to back, the first one after working 12 hours? Not likely :/
So what does this mean? It means I'm frustrated. I want to run ultras again, I just don't see how I can work up to the appropriate mileage. Ah well, perhaps I'm borrowing trouble. Maybe after I talk to the vet she'll tell me Remus can run 15 miles without a problem and Brian will come home in November and instead of waking up early to Skype I can run 4 miles even on my work days and I'll be in shape in no time....
Who am I trying to kid? Even if Brian doesn't come home till January I'm not sure I'll be running more than 5-6 miles on my own anyway. I have a long way to go...
I've set my goal at the Terrapin Mountain Half Marathon in March. 13 miles, that shouldn't be a problem by then. Buh, it's strange to feel proud about making progress towards getting in shape again and frustration at having let yourself get so out of shape in the first place. Sorry for the boring ramble, I'll try to make the next post more entertaining.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Psalms :)
Not gonna lie, I don't always "get" Psalms. They tend to be some of the most quoted scripture- themes for endless Bible Studies and the like. I think because sometimes I have a hard time relating to them. I mean, it's a lot about enemies and foes and devouring of flesh and besiegement of armies and rescuing Isreal from stupidity. They just all seem to run together after awhile. Personally, I like Proverbs better and my favorite Old Testament book is actually Ecclesiastes, but last night before I went to bed I opened my Bible at random and started reading in Psalms 25 and for once in my life I felt perfectly insync with David.
Psalm 25:16-21
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Now my "enemies" are more the creeping depression and cynicism that taint my thoughts more and more frequently, but it still applies. And the line "let me not be put to shame" holds so much for me. I don't want to be a shame to anyone with my lonliness, I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to be a shame to Brian with not being able to cope with his absence while he's trying to cope with actually being overseas, and I don't want to shame Christ with the sarcasm and cynicism that starts sliding into my conversations and edging my actions, providing a very poor witness of relying on Him to help me through missing Brian. So I cling to scripture, I read more and more, holding on to "integrity and uprightness" in a vicious moment to moment battle fought with prayer and at the end of the day I feel better for it. All with the underlying mantra that Brian is in God's hands and so am I and He's in control of this whole situation.
I could go on, but I'll stop here, the Psalm really does speak for itself. :)
Psalm 25:16-21
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
Now my "enemies" are more the creeping depression and cynicism that taint my thoughts more and more frequently, but it still applies. And the line "let me not be put to shame" holds so much for me. I don't want to be a shame to anyone with my lonliness, I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to be a shame to Brian with not being able to cope with his absence while he's trying to cope with actually being overseas, and I don't want to shame Christ with the sarcasm and cynicism that starts sliding into my conversations and edging my actions, providing a very poor witness of relying on Him to help me through missing Brian. So I cling to scripture, I read more and more, holding on to "integrity and uprightness" in a vicious moment to moment battle fought with prayer and at the end of the day I feel better for it. All with the underlying mantra that Brian is in God's hands and so am I and He's in control of this whole situation.
I could go on, but I'll stop here, the Psalm really does speak for itself. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)